Less than 10,000 posts until we hit 200,000...

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:09 AM

"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not."
---H.L. Mencken

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:09 AM

"The concerts you enjoy together/ Neighbors you annoy together/ Children you destroy together,/ That keep marriage in tact."
---Stephen Sondheim

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:09 AM

"The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:09 AM

"Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:09 AM

"Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast."
---Compton Mackenzie

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"I guess a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect."
---Harvey Fierstein

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie."
---Neil Simon

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
---Dean Martin

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
---Fran Lebowitz

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."
---Woody Allen

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy."
---Michelle Pfeiffer

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it."
---Sara Swank

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last."
---Al Forman (former MLB umpire)

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"I wanted to kill the hottest person on Earth. Then I learned that there were laws against suicide."
---Missy Fruchter

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?"
---Leo Duracher

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:10 AM

"A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:11 AM

"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet."
---Bill Cosby

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:11 AM

"Sometimes you have to do that with adults--just say what they need you to say--so they'll get out of your face."
---Tarantula Shoes by Tom Birdseye

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:11 AM

"I'm so far gone that I'm telling the truth. It sounds like a foreign language."
---Father Figure by Richard Peck

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:11 AM

"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
---Franklin Jones

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:11 AM

"Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood."
---Cal Thomas

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:11 AM

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
---Fred Allen

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:11 AM

"Don't be so humble--you are not that great."
---Golda Meir

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:11 AM

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
---Robin Williams (on Clinton/Lewinsky affair)

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:11 AM

"If you're going to make every game a matter of life or death, you're going to have a lot of problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot."
---Dean Smith

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:11 AM

"Home is a place where teenagers go to refuel."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want."
---Tori Filler

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
---Steven Wright

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"Teenager with nose ring, baggy clothing and spiked hair to friend: I don't really like dressing like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere they go."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare."
---Ed Asner

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"I knew we were in for a long season when we lined up for the national anthem on opening day and one of my players said, 'Every time I hear that song I have a bad game.'"
---Jim Leyland

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest."
---Neil Kinnock

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided."
---Casey Stengal

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"You know your children have grown up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"A kindergarten teacher is someone who loves children and hates zippers."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"Better to be forgotten than sued."
---Dave Weinbaum

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:12 AM

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
---Dave Berry

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

"Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

"It's better to leave while staying is welcomes than to stay while leaving is welcomed."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
---Phyllis Diller

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

"Isn't it amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're leaving?"
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

"Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers."
---Proverbs 10:26

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

"One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it's holding a parking ticket."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

"The young always have the same problem--how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this problem by defying their parents and copying one another."
---Quentin Crisp

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

"When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason."
---Molly McGee

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

You know you're in love when you take the longer way to class even if it means going up two extra stair cases just to see his face."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:13 AM

"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done."
---Sam Ewing

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"A thoughtful kid is one who leaves enough gas in the tank for you to get to the filling station."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction."
---Bill Flavin

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"Everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen. If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean?"
---Nipsey Russel

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked."
---Kimberly Broyles