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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM   #121
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"Shipwrecked man to another: 'Don't worry--we'll be found. My pledge to the church is due this week.'"
---Al Johns
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM   #122
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"Late night TV is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier."
---James Dent
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM   #123
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"I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football, and I have 20/20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee."
---Jay Leno
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM   #124
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"Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you're able to persecute."
---Jonathan Kellerman
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM   #125
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He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom."
---The Better Half cartoon by Randy Glasbergen
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM   #126
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"If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?"
---Unknown
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM   #127
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"Guys who have big muscles and a nice car are usually trying to make up for a lost feature."
---Unknown
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM   #128
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"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like 'What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up.'"
---Lenny Bruce
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM   #129
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"Any astronomer can predict with absolute accuracy just where every star in the universe will be at 11:30 tonight. He can make no such prediction about his teenage daughter."
---James T. Adams
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM   #130
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"You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war, they kill you in a new way."
---Will Rogers
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #131
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"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right."
---Ashleigh Brilliant
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #132
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"Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men."
---Joseph Conrad
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #133
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"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
---Charlotte Whittond
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #134
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"It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
---Unknown
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #135
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"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
---Jerome K. Jerome
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #136
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The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about."
---Unknown
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #137
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"Bad luck is bending over to pick up a four-leaf clover and being infected by poison ivy."
---Unknown
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #138
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"After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room."
---Unknown
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #139
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"Remember the good old days when a juvenile delinquent was a boy who played the saxophone too loud?"
---Unknown
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #140
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"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men."
---Kin Hubbard
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #141
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"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
---A. Whitney Brown
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM   #142
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"Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers."
---Judith Martin
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #143
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Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, and disposable."
---Mrs. White, Clue
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #144
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"Okay, so God made man first, but doesn't everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?"
---Courtney Huston
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #145
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"Tolerance is a great trait to contain, but so is the ability to shut up."
---Unknown
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #146
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"English is a funny language--that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway."
---Mark Grasso
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #147
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"One of the hardest things to imagine is that you are not smarter than average."
---Jonathan Fuerbringer
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #148
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"Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil--and you'll never get a job working for a tabloid."
---Phil Pastoret
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #149
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"Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big."
---George Carlin
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #150
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"Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do."
---Terry Marchal
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #151
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"Successful people are very lucky. Just ask any failure."
---Michael Levine
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #152
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"A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large."
---Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM   #153
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"You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something."
---H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #154
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"Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does."
---Al Bernstein
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #155
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"We all basically go back to being children in the dentist's chair."
---Arthur Benjamin
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #156
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"Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut."
---Robert Newton Peck
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #157
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"School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone."
---Ashley Salvati
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #158
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"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
---Scott Adams
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #159
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"Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth."
---Chuck Norris
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #160
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"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."
---Sam Ewing
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #161
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Every man is a fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit."
---Elbert Hubbard
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #162
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"Children are the most expensive form of entertainment."
---Mihaela Iosof
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #163
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"Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush."
---Doug Larson
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #164
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"A word to the wise isn't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice."
---Bill Cosby
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM   #165
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"A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase."
---Unknown
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #166
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"The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise."
---Tommy Bolt
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #167
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The man who can't dance thinks the band is no good."
---Polish Proverb
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #168
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"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left."
---"Smile" Zingers
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #169
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Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other."
---Laurence J. Peter
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #170
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"Adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest."
---Karen Savage and Patricia Adams
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #171
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"Forgive your enemies--if you can't get back at them any other way."
---Franklin P. Jones
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #172
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"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There's no use in being a damn fool about it."
---W.C. Fields
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #173
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"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water."
---Franklin P. Jones
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #174
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If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers."
---Doug Larson
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #175
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"A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely."
---Lubna Azmi
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Old April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM   #176
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"I'm strong, I'm tough, I still wear my eyeliner."
---Lisa Leslie
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Old April 14th, 2007, 02:21 AM   #177
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Let's w**** this motherf***er up!
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Old April 14th, 2007, 02:21 AM   #178
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Old April 14th, 2007, 02:21 AM   #179
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Old April 14th, 2007, 02:21 AM   #180
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