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**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:14 AM

"Shipwrecked man to another: 'Don't worry--we'll be found. My pledge to the church is due this week.'"
---Al Johns

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM

"Late night TV is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier."
---James Dent

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM

"I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football, and I have 20/20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee."
---Jay Leno

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM

"Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you're able to persecute."
---Jonathan Kellerman

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom."
---The Better Half cartoon by Randy Glasbergen

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM

"If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?"
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM

"Guys who have big muscles and a nice car are usually trying to make up for a lost feature."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM

"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like 'What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up.'"
---Lenny Bruce

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM

"Any astronomer can predict with absolute accuracy just where every star in the universe will be at 11:30 tonight. He can make no such prediction about his teenage daughter."
---James T. Adams

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:15 AM

"You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war, they kill you in a new way."
---Will Rogers

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right."
---Ashleigh Brilliant

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men."
---Joseph Conrad

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
---Charlotte Whittond

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
---Jerome K. Jerome

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"Bad luck is bending over to pick up a four-leaf clover and being infected by poison ivy."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"Remember the good old days when a juvenile delinquent was a boy who played the saxophone too loud?"
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men."
---Kin Hubbard

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
---A. Whitney Brown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:16 AM

"Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers."
---Judith Martin

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, and disposable."
---Mrs. White, Clue

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

"Okay, so God made man first, but doesn't everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?"
---Courtney Huston

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

"Tolerance is a great trait to contain, but so is the ability to shut up."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

"English is a funny language--that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway."
---Mark Grasso

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

"One of the hardest things to imagine is that you are not smarter than average."
---Jonathan Fuerbringer

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

"Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil--and you'll never get a job working for a tabloid."
---Phil Pastoret

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

"Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big."
---George Carlin

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

"Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do."
---Terry Marchal

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

"Successful people are very lucky. Just ask any failure."
---Michael Levine

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

"A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large."
---Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:17 AM

"You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something."
---H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does."
---Al Bernstein

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"We all basically go back to being children in the dentist's chair."
---Arthur Benjamin

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut."
---Robert Newton Peck

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone."
---Ashley Salvati

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
---Scott Adams

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth."
---Chuck Norris

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."
---Sam Ewing

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

Every man is a fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit."
---Elbert Hubbard

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"Children are the most expensive form of entertainment."
---Mihaela Iosof

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush."
---Doug Larson

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"A word to the wise isn't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice."
---Bill Cosby

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:18 AM

"A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase."
---Unknown

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

"The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise."
---Tommy Bolt

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

The man who can't dance thinks the band is no good."
---Polish Proverb

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left."
---"Smile" Zingers

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other."
---Laurence J. Peter

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

"Adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest."
---Karen Savage and Patricia Adams

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

"Forgive your enemies--if you can't get back at them any other way."
---Franklin P. Jones

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There's no use in being a damn fool about it."
---W.C. Fields

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water."
---Franklin P. Jones

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers."
---Doug Larson

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

"A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely."
---Lubna Azmi

**Blaydeman** · April 14th, 2007, 01:19 AM

"I'm strong, I'm tough, I still wear my eyeliner."
---Lisa Leslie

**FNA** · April 14th, 2007, 02:21 AM

Let's w**** this motherf***er up!

**FNA** · April 14th, 2007, 02:21 AM

**FNA** · April 14th, 2007, 02:21 AM

**FNA** · April 14th, 2007, 02:21 AM